So I realized that yesterday was exactly 2 months from the end of all this!! Sort of!!  Doc told me it will be another year before I am totally done, but the chemo will be done in 2 months.  Herceptin for a year isn’t anything new to me so I’m OK with it I guess.  It sort of makes me feel better knowing it’s running through me, kind of like my wing man!

Now I have to keep my counts up so we can stay on schedule.  My total count is way below the recommended level of 10 (7.7) and my white count is like I have 2 more cells until I have no immune system at all.  It makes my life a little hard!  I have 4 kids that attend school, I own a childcare center, and I am a very active parent when it comes to my kids activities, so a doc telling me I have to live in a bubble really isn’t convenient for me. I think that is the hardest mental part of it all right now.  I can’t do the things I want to do and feel I need to do because I can’t be around germs or this whole process will be delayed.  I can’t have that happen or we end up going into the holidays and I will be healthy for the holidays!! Lots of people don’t understand that I may look fine on the outside, but the chemo is really taking a toll on my inside.  I lost 6 pounds last week because the taste of food makes me wanna gag and there are like 4 things I can eat without having to force myself to eat them.  A girl can’t live on cantaloupe, swiss cheese, candy and cereal!  Although, it’s been fun trying.  Not to mention the food nasties don’t help your energy level so I am very tired a lot.  I can’t take naps or I can’t sleep at night, so it’s a sort of catch 22!!

I am by no means complaining as there are so many people out there that have it worse than me!!  I saw a lady at my last treatment and she asked me how I was feeling and shared her story with me.  Kind of funny because a year ago she is where I am now.  I listened and she asked me a few questions and I finally ended up telling her that this was my second rodeo with cancer in 4 years.  She sort of looked down at the floor and I’m not sure if her reaction was that of “poor thing” or that of holy crap this could happen to me again?  It touched me inside as I think it was more the second option and she was much older than me and I told her it was no big deal, they have plans for this sort of thing and you just have to hang on day by day and deal with it as it comes. I also told her that I thought God gave this to me a second time to spare my children and I would gladly take it on as many times as He deemed necessary to keep it from them!! Then when I got into treatment we had to sit next to grumpy Gus.  He didn’t like our TV viewing choices, we were talking to loud and bla bla bla!  I say to that, whatever, if I have to be there I may as well have a reasonably good time!  I have no time for grumpy!!

This weekend is the Race for the Cure.  This may be the last time we do this race as next year we want Tammy’s Friends to host one and hopefully someday we will be as big as Susan G Komen and we can help with the finding a cure and getting people the help they need!!  This year we have the biggest team we have ever had and I will be waiting at the finish line to cheer for all my friends!!  Since half my team is runners and half is walkers, I decided the best place for me is waiting at the end for them to finish! Now I can say I have done it all at the Race for the Cure.  I have walked it, I have ran it and this year I will cheer for those who are running or walking!  Never done one during active chemo so it’s a first again for this year!!

Looking forward to getting this next 2 months over –

T

Posted in: Blog.
Last Modified: September 13, 2012