Well, I go tomorrow for what the doc says is the last of the really bad stuff! My brain has a hard time grasping that, as I think it all really sucks and is bad stuff!! Then I have a week off to have another heart scan and then if that all goes well, I start with my every week for the next 12 weeks and we will see how that goes. I have been having a hard time thinking about how I will be feeling for the next 12 weeks. They say that it’s essentially same stuff as I had last time so I should know how to handle it, well, last time I had 3 weeks between treatments to get better and feel normal. If I remember correctly, I was down for a week, a little better the second week, and feeling fine by the third week. So the way I see it I will be down for 12 weeks cuz I wont have that recovery time and I am not looking forward to that. Hopefully I am wrong and I will be OK, but I never know until it starts!
Last night we spent the evening and well, into the morning with my BFF and some really good friends. We haven’t done that in a really long time and it was so nice. There were people that we have known for years and some people that I didn’t know and questioned if they had earned the right to grace the back yard, however, I was introduced and decided that they could stay! LOL! It was a ton of fun, I had so much fun talking about the “ol times” and the things we used to do and the trouble that other people used to get in and how we all met and all kinds of other stuff.
I spent a ton of time last night talking to a friend that I don’t get to see very often. We talked about me and my cancer and all the things that have gone along with it. We talked about other people that we know that have gone through cancer of some sort and how they are doing. We talked a lot about TammysFriends and what I would like to see it become and how there isn’t many charities in our area or that I know of that deal with the little things that go with cancer. The family side, especially when kids are involved. I would love for tammysfriends to one day have volunteer therapists to counsel the children in families affected by medical hardship. The patient gets a lot of attention – and I certainly have had friends, family, and neighbors – but for many they are not so lucky. We talked about the fact that many people don’t really think about the after effects of chemo on a person (and their life), and how it’s not over just because treatments are over. I told her that I don’t call myself a survivor because I will spend the rest of my life fighting cancer! A survivor to me is someone that lives after a heart attack, or a car accident not someone that merely finishes cancer treatments – we are all fighters and will have to remain fighters the rest of our lives. The day I die, you can call me a survivor as I will no longer have to fight this fight! It is my hope that TammysFriends can continue the fight for others after I am gone! I spoke about how everyone (please do not take offense, I mean everyone in the general sense) only thinks about the patient and sometimes the spouse – what about the kids? I think that my kids are way strong and way capable of handling this, however, while I am going through this I am not sure they would ever let me know they couldn’t handle it. I have thought about getting them all therapy so they have someone to talk to if they need it. My vision for tammysfriends in five years is one that helps families in need in so many different ways.
It was an amazing time with some amazing friends and truly something that I really needed to do before I go tomorrow to be shut down for a week or more. I will say that I was soooo tired today that I actually had to take a nap and couldn’t have helped it if I tried. So after that nap my husband decided it would be a good time to tear apart our closet and go through things and clean it out. REALLY?!?!?!? We got the whole house cleaned over the weekend, did 2 of the kids closets and I was ready to relax today and I guess not – So we are taking a break to watch the closing ceremonies of the Olympics and then it’s back to work – maybe – it may just have to sit till next week cuz I am ready for bed and can’t go into treatments tired or that makes it all that much worse!
I would like to thank Fr. Tom Johns. He has blessed me at the St. Peregrine statue in 2008 and before treatments this time and today he did something unexpected and special. He is a great man and an excellent priest. God bless him.
Have a great night –