The past couple days have been a bit crazy!!  Yesterday I spent the better part of 3 hours getting an MRI done, to make sure I even had a brain, much less had any problems with it. As of today, I have a brain and it is in working order. (at least medically speaking) Today I spent the better part of 6 hours having a MUGA scan done and meeting with my doctor for further instructions. Those instructions are as follows:

1) Drink a TON of water!

2) Have a port put in!  My doc told me that he has not yet seen anyone in his career go through this chemo regime without a port.  He said the damage done to the veins is pretty harsh and only having one arm to use, it really isn’t a good idea.

3) My new life will consist of the following routine – every other Monday for the next 8 weeks I will be hooked up to the “death” chair for about 3 hours and have a lovely chemo cocktail pumped into my veins, then the next day I get to go back and have a shot of steroids to help my body tolerate the battery acid they are running through it!  I have been given a long list of meds I can take to counter act the side effects of the battery acid as well.

4) At the end of 8 weeks I will then get to go every week for the next 12 weeks to have a different battery acid run through my veins!  Bright side, I don’t have to have the shot!  Woo Hoo – yeah me!!

5) At the end of that 12 weeks, I get to go back every 3 weeks for another drug and get to do that for the rest of my life!  Good news – this one doesn’t make you sick or your hair fall out, it just does heart damage in 5% of people that have taken it! Fortunately, I had it before and my heart loved it!

Oh yeah – drink lots of water – it helps control the side effects because it flushes out your kidneys! I HATE WATER – any data show that Pepsi will do the same thing? I have been practicing my water consumption in preparation for this so I will get used to it once again no worries!

I said the last time that maybe God was going to let me come back as a curly red head and that didn’t happen so maybe this is his idea of a do over!  All this fun begins next Monday July 2. Nothing like starting right before the holiday!  I was looking at 20 weeks from now is November 12 – REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!! Let’s see what’s on the schedule in that time – first day of school ever for Anthony and at a new school for the girls, my birthday, Anthony’s birthday, my 12 yr anniversary, my high school class reunion (cuz everyone wants to show up bald for their reunion right?!), HALLOWEEN, Jr. Olympics (swimming), Championships (swimming), Zones, Fall swim season starts, Alli cheerleading, and any number of things I may be forgetting!! This really sucks!

Really sucks when a doc tells you that this round of chemo is gonna be way worse than the last time; doesn’t make a person feel real good about what is to come!  The nurse came in today and asked us if we wanted to watch a video about chemo and I said No Thanks I’ve been down this road before. At least their treatment center doesn’t look like death row like the last place we went to.  Not much better, but better non the less.

There is the details as they have been made available. My mind is still numb from all of this and I still think I am in the twilight zone and I am gonna wake up and this is not going to be happening! The reality of it really hasn’t sunk in yet.  I am going through the motions and it’s like I’m just watching myself go through it not like I am actually living it.  Even John isn’t taking it the same way as last time, because we still can’t believe that it’s happening again.  We, or at least I, keep thinking that there should have been something we could have done last time to prevent this.  I am not one to dwell on what I can’t control and whats in the past is in the past, but for this, I can’t help but think what we did wrong in the control of my care last time.  What should we have demanded be done, what else could have been done to prevent this.  What now will prevent it again, oh yeah, they tell me all this will prevent it again – or at least that is the theory behind it.  There is no data that supports this being 100%, short of a bullet in my head I guess there are no 100%! (with my luck I would survive that and it wouldn’t be 100% anyway) I’m sure I will get less bitter in the coming days and weeks and find something to focus on, but for now could someone pinch me really hard so I can wake up from this nightmare I am living in and my life could be normal again?! Thanks 🙂

Until next time –


Posted in: Blog.
Last Modified: June 26, 2012

4 comments on “The Orders Have Been Given

  1. Karen Sanford

    Best wishes and prayers as always! And hoping for bright-red-fun-stop sign -curls!

  2. jen segulin

    Damn Tammy. I’d be glad to pinch you if it’d help, but damn, do you always have to go out and show everyone how tough you can be? 😉 I truly think you deserve some fluff and smooth sailing in the future! I am at a loss about what to say. This totally sucks for all of you. We will gladly help anyway we can. You and my Grandma are in our prayers each night 🙂 When you need someone else to be strong for you for awhile, just ask- you are surrounded by supporters!

  3. Stephanie carlson

    I think of you each day and say a prayer for you to once again find the strength to fight this. Your strength is your family, friends, neighbors. We are all here for you in any way that you might need us. Take this time to reach out and ask us for help. Anything at anytime, just say help!!! Thinking of you and your family always!!!

  4. Stacey Lucas

    I’ll pinch you if you need me to! Just kidding! You can sooo do this and you will get through this. I haven’t known you for that long but I’ve known you long enough to know how much you love your kids – and if nothing else, that will get you through this.
    You are a wonderful and amazing person and you have so much love, prayers, and positive energy coming your way from so many friends that you are definitely going to kick cancer’s butt again!
    Please know I am here for anything you need. I’m here all summer and can do ANYTHING you need – seriously ask anything and I’ll do it!
    Sending love your way!!!!!!!!!