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Just a Little Update

Hi Everyone,

Just wanted to get you all a little update, in case you didn’t already know.  I started radiation treatments on Monday.  So much for done is done huh?

Met with my radiation oncologist and he gave it to me  pretty cut and dry.  He said there is a 50/50 shot that this damn cancer will return.  No matter what I do.  He said I am in the rare percentage of people that it came back a second time anyway. He also informed me that if it comes back a third time I am in for the fight of my life because I have been through both know treatments for it already.  Well, that was good news I thought – right?!?!?!? NO NOT AT ALL!!!  So I decided that even though it doesn’t increase my odds any, I couldn’t live with myself if it returned and I didn’t do radiation.  Can’t be any worse than anything I have already been through right? So 28 rounds, Monday – Friday hear I come!!  Kind of a peaceful 15 minutes, and my arm pit only feels like it got fried for a few minutes, nothing I can’t handle.

Also, for those of you who don’t follow my Facebook, I put on my big girl panties and got myself a tattoo!!  It is the coolest thing I have ever done!!  I kept it simple because I was scared and now I want in embellished a little.  It was so easy and hurt worse when he was done than it did getting it!!  There is a picture of it on  my Facebook page if you’re really curious!!

Are you ready for Christmas?  This year our giving tree was able to help 13 children have a Merry Christmas.  The outpouring of support was amazing to me!!  thank you to everyone that helped us with that project. Speaking of projects, we are in the process of planning our first ever “team” triathlon, aquathon, half marathon or 5k run or some combination of those.  I will keep you all up to date as the planning progresses.

Thanks again for your support –

Tammy

A Letter to Cancer

Dear Cancer,

I met you in 2008 and you came into my life and took away parts of my life that I can never get back.  I looked you in the face and said I don’t care, you won’t win.  I kicked you out of my life then and you thought I was weak.

You came back for more in 2012 and again took away parts of my life that I can’t get back.  I have once again looked you in the face and this time I said I am not weak, you will not win and you are not welcome to any more parts of my life, my body or my soul.

I am telling you now for the last time, you need to stay away from me and don’t even think about coming after my family.  If you come after them you have no idea the wrath you will encounter from me.  I have proven to you my strength and determination to not allow you to win, so I suggest you not even try to play the game anymore!

Thank you for visiting me twice and making me realize the things that are important to me and showing me how to be strong in the face of adversity.  You showed me that people care about people no matter who they are. You brought out the good in people around me and made me a better giver of myself.  You humbled me in forcing me to ask for help.  For those things I thank you, but you have done your job and I must ask you to leave now and never look back!

I will not miss you when you are gone –

 

Sincerely –

Tammy

Oh Yeah it’s 3 with Options

Hey!!

Well, treatment today was a little on the fence for a while.  I had to go in and have a chest X-Ray before I could have treatment and depending on the results whats whether or not I got treatment.

OK, so I got stuck with the nutty nurse again today.  She asked me if I had any swelling in my feet, I said “no”, she said “please take off your shoes so I can verify.” OK, am I 4 and she thinks I was lying? Then she made me take off my hoodie so she could access my port.  Really?! NO ONE else has ever made me do that!  She then asked if I had got any sores in my mouth and when I said “no” she made me open my mouth to “verify”. Again – REALLY?! Then we told her she had to keep my blood warm to get an accurate count – she comes back and says my platelet count is too low, I said that is normal when you don’t keep it warm, they clump.  She says – oh my I forgot that!  OK, so I will say it again – REALLY?! She also doesn’t like that I sleep and continuously wakes me up!  Sorry if I snore, but hey, drug induced naps are pretty powerful things! Then she tells me my skin is way to dry and I need to continue to drink my 9 bottles of water a day and gave me a lecture on the difference between lotion and cream and what to put on my lips.  UUGH – just run the meds and be quiet!!

So anyway, the doc comes in and asks how i am doing – I tell him I would let him know when he told me if I could have treatment.  He said the X-Ray shows I still have pneumonia but it could be 6 weeks before that goes away completely.  So in a bit of a panic, thinking he is gonna tell me I have to wait 6 weeks for treatment, he says it’s OK to treat today and he gave me the option for maybe cutting off the last treatment, if I remain healthy!!  WOO HOO – schedule could still be in tact!!!

So I ate my fruit salad and Meems made me Chinese coleslaw (best stuff in the world) and the cool nurse came in and saw me eating healthy stuff and she said that I must be not well because I wasn’t eating chocolate and pringles.  Little did she know that I had a Ho-Ho stash in my bag to eat when no one was looking!! I just wanted to make them feel like I was giving it a try to stay healthy. ha ha ha ha!

Just wanted to give everyone an update on the events of today!!

T

 

Set Backs Suck

For those of you keeping track, as of Monday i had only 4 treatments left to go.  You would think yay me – except for the fact that 4 days prior I was hospitalized with pneumonia.  Apparently, chemo would kill the antibiotic so they doc decide to skip a treatment.  Normally I would just roll with it, but NOT this time.  I had a plan, my treatments were supposed to be over on November 12, giving me a couple weeks to get my mouth back in working order and my totally turkey day appetite back.  Now, not so much!!  Doc refused treatment so here I am on Tuesday, should be posting about 3 left and no, still posting about 4!

The week has sucked anyway!  Besides my treatment being cancelled, a relative lost their job, my Grandfather passed away, another relative was put in the hospital, John’s Mom continues to be in the hospital (however doing better every day).  Not sure how much yuck a person is supposed to handle in such a short time, but this family is about at their limit!  I can’t think of the last time I had something good to report to anyone.  I pray to God every day that something good happens to ANYONE – I’m almost afraid to answer my phone and door  because I am scared of what news I may receive on the other end.

I know it could be worse, but sometimes when the Universe piles a load of poop on you all at once, it’s hard to think that way.  Fortunately I am the kind of person that can laugh at anything so lately I have been giggling my head off! Humor is the key to getting through anything!

Keep your chin up and laugh at what life throws at you, because if you are not laughing all that is left is crying and that just isn’t any fun!

T

We are a Little More Than Half Way There

As I sit and stare at the half way point and say feeling sorry for myself is unacceptable, the mental breakdown is unavoidable!!

I want to eat pizza and potato chips on a regular basis, I want to wake up on Monday mornings and go to work, I HATE hats and want my hair back, I don’t want to care about blood counts an swollen ankles, I want people to stop by with chocolate chip cookies because they haven’t seen me in a while and just felt like it, I want to be on prayer chains because people think I need God to watch over my family, I want to talk to people like a person (not like a person with a hat on for a reason) did I mention that I HATE hats?, I want to wear tank tops and v-neck shirts without the lovely port sticking out, I don’t want to have to worry about if I ate enough green leafy stuff (I don’t even like most green leafy stuff) and had enough protein in the past week to continue on schedule (I don’t even like most proteins and I hate schedules), I just wanna be normal again with only the limitations I have set on myself to hold me back – not the limitations that the medical field has deemed appropriate!! My list could really go on for a while but that would be boring. Damn it, I HATE hats!!!

Now that that’s over, there are some positives that I can think of. I have a ton of friends and family in my corner making sure I get to that point and helping us in any way they can and if I didn’t have that, then that rant above would be much more woeful! Because of them I can rant about hating hats and all that other stuff and not about being alone and miserable. I learned that sometimes life has to have limits, even if you don’t want them right now.  I realized that I CAN handle anything at this point and hold my head up high and know I will get through it!  I learned how far I can push myself before I have to say enough.  I also learned that it’s OK to say enough!  For those of you that know me, that was a hard one to realize!  I like to push myself to the limit and try to take it one step farther, my plate is always full and I wouldn’t have it any other way! A friend of mine says she sees chaos and automatically thinks of me and how happy I would be to be in the middle of it.  Now I am trying to have side dishes instead of one big plate!  I have learned that there are good people in this world that want to help, even if they don’t know you and they don’t want a thank you card, or anything, they just want to help because you need it!  Once again, renewed my faith in people!  I also can’t wait for the election to be over as it doesn’t help with my mood swings!

We are going to start planning our first ever fundraising event for Tammy’s Friends!  We want to have a team triathlon early next year. “TammysFriends Triathlon Twist” – ( a normal triathlon first followed by a team one). It’s shaping up to be a fun family friendly event that everyone can get involved in.  I am going to need some help from my runner friends on this, but the concept is in the works and we are very excited.  I also can’t wait to blog about all the people we have helped and all the things we are doing instead of my stupid issues!

Thanks to everyone that is reading and following Tammy’s Friends – it helps me to know you are there and it will help us very soon to help others!!

T